Time Wasted on Shel “Suckerstein”

by Graham Gentz

culture@dailylobo.com

When you think of Shel Silverstein, what comes to mind? Not complete and utter shit, right?

Well, wonder no more, for the so-called “The” Hermes Theatre has done irreparable damage to the name of the American Legend.

Certainly rolling in his grave, the memory of Silverstein has been cut, kicked, defiled, shat upon, violated, disemboweled, raped, skinned, eviscerated, and then raped again.

But even where to begin? The production is an embarrassment and failure on every conceivable level.

From the menstruating floors, to the hodgepodge chairs and hellish mismatched curtains, the space has fallen from the top of the titular Ugly Tree, hitting every imaginable branch on the way down to its current state as a crumbled broken heap at the base.

As you’re forced into the torturous routine of one bland, banal sketch after another, you can only hope that suicide, insanity or spontaneous combustion will save you from another barbaric moment watching this putrid likeness of “performance” and personified nausea.

Not willing to have the tenacity or principle of performing an entire play, the cowardly cads have opted to piss away the public’s time, instead, on ten tedious sketches. Or “eleven”, since their unimaginative insipidness seems to lead them to believe “The Smoke Off” or “Great Smoke Off”, too, is allowed that right.

Save punching your own eyes out until you are blessed with blindness, this vainglorious anal discharge passing itself off as “theatre” is what you’ll well be prepared for.

The lighting is foul and false, clearly being designed and hung by amateurish fatuity. The space stinks of drugs, piss, and abject human despair, leading to questions of the moral integrity of the theatre’s members.

These questions are only exasperated by the tiresome list of offensive subject matters and gross negligence: sexual deviance, justified murder, drug use, human trafficking and talking animals are just a few of the atrocious transgressions.

Most disgusting of all is the ego trip of a one, Graham Gentz, placing himself in the overwhelming majority of the sketches and still directing some himself, even having the tasteless audacity to appear in blackface. Gentz lacks the humility to step aside or let others take the limelight as the play, from its first moments, reeks of “vanity project.”

It’s surprising the show is not called “Graham Gentz Presents a Graham Gentz Production of Graham Gentz doing Graham Gentz things with Graham Gentz starring Graham Gentz, and also there’s this asshole named Shel Silverstein.”

Mr. Silverstein would be ashamed of you, THE Hermes Theatre.

The other actors do not fair much better. Jennae Pinnell is a passionless, humorless bore. Rona Wright could not act her way out a wet paper bag attending Juilliard. Chris Boros’ is as grating as possible while still maintaining the complete semblance of sublime retardation. Tito Dameron’s peevish whining is only matched by his inability to cough out his lines without making it sound like he’s merely shitting blood from his mouth. Devoney “Blythe” Wilhite adds nothing while still distracting and silently stealing uncountable hopes and dreams from all who view her vapid performances.

Kristy Medina stage-manages.

Hopefully, the world will rise up and shout down these petulant pissants so they never produce another piece of theater in this town again.

Please. For the love of all that is holy: do not attend this production and save yourself and your families from the empty, damning, soul-crushing oblivion.

Pray that this theatre will be struck down and all who allowed its existence die alone and burn in the inner most depths of hell while their children starve.

May God have mercy on us all.

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