Battle Not With Monsters

EXT. Park – Day

Two lovers nuzzle on a park bench.

MELISSA
Igor?

IGOR
(monster voice)
Yeeees, my loooove?

MELISSA
How will we find a good home for little The Creature?

IGOR
Melissa! What are you saying!

MELISSA
This is no world for a The Modern Prometheus!

THE CREATURE
I IS EM RIGHT HERE.

MELISSA
Oh! Yes, of course, The Creature.

THE CREATURE
I IS EM NOT AN PRECIATE WHEN YOU EM GUYS TALK ABOUT ME LIKE I UM NOT HERE.

IGOR
No, The Creature! We love you very much! We would never want any harm to come to you!

THE CREATURE
I IS EM VURRY MISS UNDERED-STOOD.

MELISSA
We know, The Creature. Of course, we understand! And we both want you to understand we love you very much—

IGOR
–very much.

MELISSA
It’s just… well. Difficult. You know. So many luxuries we thought we’d have if you’d hadn’t just. POPPED into our lives, an Affront in the Face of God—

IGOR
–But we couldn’t be happier about it!

Melissa lights a cigarette and begins to smoke.

THE CREATURE
HurrrrrRRRRRRREENN!!!

IGOR
No, The Creature, no!

THE CREATURE
HurrrrrRRRRRRRENN-REEEEEEEEEENNN!!!!!!!

The Creature tears off into the distance. Igor begins to cry.

MELISSA
It’s alright, dear…. Let him go. It’s what he would’ve wanted.

IGOR
Sniff. Well. Alright… (Beat. Sexy:) …then let’s go about animating another one, eh baby!!

MELISSA
YES. KISS me, you disgusting hunchback!

THE END

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